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Microsoft Toast
In our previous episode, Ambassador Dave was heard to say:
> From [email protected] Sun Nov 24 02:08:25 1996
> Date: Sat, 23 Nov 1996 22:59:09 -0800 (PST)
> Message-Id: <[email protected]>
> From: [email protected] (Ambassador Dave)
> Subject: IJMC - Microsoft Toast
> Organization: International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC)
> Sender: [email protected]
> Errors-To: [email protected]
> Precedence: bulk
> Reply-To: [email protected]
>
>
> IJMC - Microsoft Toast
>
> T. O. A. S. T.
> T. O. A. S. T.
> T. O. A. S. T. -dave
>
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> During Bill Gates speech at COMDEX yesterday, he introduced a new product,
> to be unveiled at COMDEX today, called Microsoft Toast(tm). The media was
> given a pre-release demo and encouraged to try it out while preparing
> their breakfast this morning.
>
> Here is one reporter's transcript of his morning:
> ----------------------------
> Insert Bread - <Ok> <Cancel>
>
> "<Ok>"
>
> Use slider control to select # of seconds to toast bread.
>
> "<5>"
>
> Toasting] And remember that only Microsoft bread(tm) is guaranteed
> to work perfectly in... TOAST BURNING - PRESS CANCEL TO STOP TOASTING
> PROCESS
> <Ok> <Cancel>
>
> "<Cancel>"
>
> GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT 0300:0100 TOAST EXPLORER(tm) HAS STOPPED
> RESPONDING TO THE SYSTEM, PRESS RETRY TO RESTART OR CANCEL TO CONTINUE
> WAITING FOR PROGRAM RESPONSE.
>
> "<Cancel>"
>
> Microsoft Security(tm) system determines that the smoke levels in your home
> have become dangerously high, would you like Microsoft Security(tm) to call
> the fire department? - <OK> <CANCEL>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> MAPI FAULT - PHONE ALREADY IN USE BY MICROSOFT EXCHANGE, PLEASE SHUT DOWN
> PROGRAM AND RETRY. - <OK> <CANCEL>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> Microsoft Security(tm) system determines that the smoke levels in your home
> have become dangerously high, would you like Microsoft Security(tm) to call
> the fire department? - <OK> <CANCEL>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> "<START> <PROGRAM FILES> <MICROSOFT EXCHANGE> <CLOSE>"
>
> MAPI FAULT - PHONE ALREADY IN USE BY MICROSOFT EXCHANGE, PLEASE SHUT DOWN
> PROGRAM AND RETRY. - <OK> <CANCEL>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> Are you sure you wish to shut down Microsoft Exchange? -<OK><CANCEL>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> TOAST EXPLORER(tm) HAS STOPPED RESPONDING TO THE SYSTEM, THIS PROGRAM WILL
> BE TERMINATED - <OK>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> Microsoft Security(tm) system has determined that your house is on fire,
> and/or in the midst of an intruder alert. Would you like Microsoft
> Security(tm) to call the police? - <OK> <CANCEL>
>
> [DISCLAIMER - CALLING THE POLICE FOR A NONURGENT SITUATION CAN LEAD TO
> SEVERE CRIMINAL FINES AND PENALTIES, FOR WHICH MICROSOFT(tm) WILL NOT BE
> HELD LIABLE. MICROSOFT(tm) DOES NOT GUARANTEE RESPONSE TIMES OR YOUR
> SAFETY, ONLY THAT THE
> COMPUTER WILL ATTEMPT TO CALL THE POLICE. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO ACCEPT THIS
> REPONSIBILITY, PLEASE PRESS REJECT BELOW. Do
> you accept this reponsibility?] - <ACCEPT> <REJECT>
>
> "<ACCEPT>"
>
> MAPI FAULT - MAPI ALREADY IN USE.
>
> MAPI HAS STOPPED RESPONDING TO THE SYSTEM, THIS PROGRAM WILL BE TERMINATED.
> <OK>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> Microsoft Security(tm) system has determined that the system is in danger.
> The system will now power down for safety reasons. <POWER DOWN> <STAY ON>
>
> "<STAY ON>"
>
> Microsoft Security(tm) system has determined that your house is on fire,
> and/or in the midst of an intruder alert. Would you like Microsoft
> Security(tm) to call the police? - <OK> <CANCEL>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> Microsoft Power Management(tm) has determined that a power loss has occured
> and the UPS has been activated. You have 10 minutes of power left.
> -<OK> <CANCEL>
>
> "<OK>"
>
> MICROSOFT SECURITY FAULT - MAPI NOT PRESENT
>
> MICROSOFT SECURITY HAS BECOME UNSTABLE AND WILL BE TERMINATED. -<OK>
>
> "<esc>"
> "<esc>"
> "<esc>"
> "<OK>"
>
> YOUR SYSTEM HAS BECOME UNSTABLE - PLEASE REBOOT THE SYSTEM.
>
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> Yet Another E-Mail Sent By The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC).
> Unless otherwise specified, distribute freely. All questions, comments,
> submissions, and requests should be directed to Dave at [email protected]
>
> IJMC Mailings - email [email protected] with "info ijmc-l" in body
> IJMC WebPage - disconnected (we forgot to pay our power bill)
>
> This is Mac. \\\\|////
> He wants to travel the world. ( O O )
> Please add him to your .sig and help him. ---oOOo--U--oOOo---
>
--
Robbie Honerkamp : [email protected] : http://www.shorty.com/~robbie/
"It turns out that Japan is an extremely foreign country, where
you can never be sure whether the sign on the door you're about
to open says 'Restaraunt' or 'Enter Here for Express Vasectomy Service'".
-Dave Barry