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Humor - YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN INTERNET ADDICT...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN:

  * You kiss your girlfriend's home page.

  * Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to
  bottom.

  * Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

  * You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to
  search.

  * You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no
  electricity and no
    phone lines.

  * You finally do take that vacation, but only after
  buying a
    cellular modem and a laptop.

  * You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on
  your
    lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

  * All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a
  faster
    connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable
    modem...T1...T3.

  * And even your night dreams are in HTML.
  * You find yourself typing "com" after every period
  when using a
    word processor.com

  * You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

  * Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each
  time you see a
    new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though
    you've never had heart problems before.

  * You step out of your room and realize that your
  parents have moved
    and you don't have a clue when it happened.

  * You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so
  you can hear
    if new e-mail arrives.

  * Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to
  remind you of
    what she looks like.

  * All of your friends have an @ in their names.

  * When looking at a pageful of someone else's links,
  you notice all
    of them are already highlighted in purple.

  * Your dog has its own home page.

  * You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and
  you're halfway
    through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?

  * You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a
  modem.

  * You realize there is not a sound in the house and
  you have no
    idea where your children are.

  * You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So
  you check it
    again.

  * You refer to your age as 3.x.

  * You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for
  the net and
    even his friends know not to call on his line
    anymore.

  * Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

  * Even though you died last week, you've managed to
  retain OPS on
    your favorite IRC channel.

  * You code your homework in HTML and give your
  instructor the URL.

  * You don't know the sex of three of your closest
  friends,
    because they have neutral nicknames and you never
    bothered to ask.


  * Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2
  months.

  * You miss more than five meals a week downloading the
  latest games
    from Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue?

  * You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public
  restrooms.



  * You move into a new house and decide to Netscape
  before you
    landscape.

  * You tell the cab driver you live at
    http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

  * You actually try that 123.elm.street address.

  * You tell the kids they can't use the computer
  because "Daddy's
    got work to do" and you don't even have a job.

  * Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just
  log on to your
    IRC  channel.

  * You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in
  keyboard and mouse.

  * Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot
  come to bed."

  * You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the
  search engines
    useless.

  * You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed
  with Netscape
    1.1 or higher."

  * You never have to deal with busy signals when
  calling your
    ISP...because you never log off.

  * You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace
  the chair in
    front of your computer with a toilet.

  * You forget what year it is.

  * You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

  * You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.

  * You leave the modem speaker on after connecting
  because you think 
    it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect
    soundtrack for "surfing the net".

  * You begin to wonder how on earth your service
  provider is allowed
    to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."

  * You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.

  * Your wife says communication is important in a
  marriage...so you
    buy another computer and install a second phone line
    so the two of you can chat.

  * As your car crashes through the guardrail on a
  mountain road,
    your first instinct is to search for the "back"
    button.

Hope you all have a great Thursday!

Joy Kendrick
Web Weaver & Owner
Joyous Creations
925 Gillette Street
Winston-Salem, North Carolina  27105-5715
E-mail:  [email protected]
Welcome to Joyous Creations!
http://www.clearlight.com/~jc/JoyousCreations/
Welcome to Joy's Wonderful & Wacky World!
http://www.clearlight.com/~jc/JoysWorld/
"Ok, who cancelled my reality check???"
Virtual Vacations, (You *need* a vacation!)
http://www.plws.com/vv
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http://www.thecore.com/~nannette/