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Cure for COBOL sufferers...
Hope most of you haven't seen this one before...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: Cobol, oh Cobol
Date: 4 Jun 90 10:30:05 GMT
Keywords: computer, original, smirk
Dear Friends,
There are many people, who, for no fault of their own, are forced to
write in COBOL. Whereas some of us work out 2 plus 2 by saying "PRINT
2+2" or something equally laconic (indeed the older ones amongst us
can actually do such calculations in our heads), COBOL sufferers have
to say "ADD 2 TO 2 GIVING THE ANSWER, PLEASE, NICE MR COMPUTER, AND
SEND ME A MEMO ABOUT IT IN TIME FOR THE BOARD MEETING"
So what can we do for these people? One answer is therapy. Here is a
typical case study of a sufferer locked away in solitary confinement
with nothing but IBM manuals to keep him company.
Day 1: Subject persistently screaming for Oxford English Dictionary
(20-odd volumes). Gnawed three of his toes off when this request
denied.
Day 2: Subject very subdued, and starts compiling his own dictionary
from bits of bed linen and stale soup.
Day 3: Subject befriends a wasp in the cell, and starts asking it to
add two and two.
Day 4: First breakthrough. Subject reads IBM manual.
Day 5: Subject complains that his bed needs emergency engineering.
Day 6: Subject tears up his dictionary and starts listing abend codes.
Day 7: Success. Subject says "ICH 9000I Good morning" when his warder
brings him a bowl of porridge.
... as you can see, there is some way to go before a complete cure can
be guaranteed.
Meanwhile send lots of money to me. This is nothing to do with the
campaign, I just want some money.
--
[email protected] http://daniel.drew.edu/~tmancuso [email protected]
"The other major kind of computer is the 'Apple,' which I do not recommend,
because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer that you basically just plug
in and use." --Dave Barry
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