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Re: Cure for COBOL sufferers...
On Fri, 13 Sep 1996 13:47:10 -0500 [email protected] writes:
>Hope most of you haven't seen this one before...
>
>Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
>Subject: Cobol, oh Cobol
>Date: 4 Jun 90 10:30:05 GMT
>Keywords: computer, original, smirk
>
>
>Dear Friends,
>
>There are many people, who, for no fault of their own, are forced to
>write in COBOL. Whereas some of us work out 2 plus 2 by saying "PRINT
>2+2" or something equally laconic (indeed the older ones amongst us
>can actually do such calculations in our heads), COBOL sufferers have
>to say "ADD 2 TO 2 GIVING THE ANSWER, PLEASE, NICE MR COMPUTER, AND
>SEND ME A MEMO ABOUT IT IN TIME FOR THE BOARD MEETING"
>
>So what can we do for these people? One answer is therapy. Here is a
>typical case study of a sufferer locked away in solitary confinement
>with nothing but IBM manuals to keep him company.
>
>Day 1: Subject persistently screaming for Oxford English Dictionary
>(20-odd volumes). Gnawed three of his toes off when this request
>denied.
>
>Day 2: Subject very subdued, and starts compiling his own dictionary
>from bits of bed linen and stale soup.
>
>Day 3: Subject befriends a wasp in the cell, and starts asking it to
>add two and two.
>
>Day 4: First breakthrough. Subject reads IBM manual.
>
>Day 5: Subject complains that his bed needs emergency engineering.
>
>Day 6: Subject tears up his dictionary and starts listing abend codes.
>
>
>Day 7: Success. Subject says "ICH 9000I Good morning" when his warder
>brings him a bowl of porridge.
>
>... as you can see, there is some way to go before a complete cure can
>be guaranteed.
>
>Meanwhile send lots of money to me. This is nothing to do with the
>campaign, I just want some money.
>
>
>--
>[email protected] http://daniel.drew.edu/~tmancuso
>[email protected]
>"The other major kind of computer is the 'Apple,' which I do not
>recommend,
>because it is a wuss-o-rama New-Age computer that you basically just
>plug
>in and use." --Dave Barry
>
Tina...If you think COBOL sufferers have problems you should hear what happened in the RPG recovery center. :)
Leon Salisbury
The Bit Viper
[email protected]
References: