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GEEKS: Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes
> Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes
>
> REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary
> step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by
> competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and
> zero Monday.
>
> With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or
> selling products containing zeroes and ones - the mathematical building
> blocks of all computer languages and programs - unless a royalty fee of
> 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.
>
> "Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever
> since its inception in 1975," Gates told reporters. "For years, in the
> interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted
> the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However,
> changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices
> of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek
> compensation for the use of our numerals."
>
> A number of major Silicon Valley players, including Apple Computer,
> Netscape and Sun Microsystems, said they will challenge the Microsoft
> patent as monopolistic and anti-competitive, claiming that the
> 10-cent-per-digit licensing fee would bankrupt them instantly.
>
> "While, technically, Java is a complex system of algorithms used to
> create a platform-independent programming environment, it is, at its
> core, just a string of trillions of ones and zeroes," said Sun
> Microsystems CEO Scott McNealy, whose company created the Java
> programming environment used in many Internet applications. "The
> licensing fees we'd have to pay Microsoft every day would be
> approximately 327,000 times the total net worth of this company."
>
> "If this patent holds up in federal court, Apple will have no choice
> but to convert to analog," said Apple interim CEO Steve Jobs, "and I
> have serious doubts whether this company would be able to remain
> competitive selling pedal-operated computers running software off
> vinyl LPs."
>
> As a result of the Microsoft patent, many other companies have begun
> radically revising their product lines: Database manufacturer Oracle has
> embarked on a crash program to develop "an abacus for the next
> millennium." Novell, whose communications and networking systems
> are also subject to Microsoft licensing fees, is working with top animal
> trainers on a chimpanzee-based message-transmission system. Hewlett
> Packard is developing a revolutionary new steam-powered printer.
>
> Despite the swarm of protest, Gates is standing his ground, maintaining
> that ones and zeroes are the undisputed property of Microsoft.
>
> "We will vigorously enforce our patents of these numbers, as they are
> legally ours," Gates said. "Among Microsoft's vast historical archives
> are Sanskrit cuneiform tablets from 1800 B.C. clearly showing ones and a
> symbol known as 'sunya,' or nothing.
>
> We also own: papyrus scrolls written by Pythagoras himself in which he
> explains the idea of singular notation, or 'one'; early tracts by
> Mohammed ibn Musa al Kwarizimi explaining the concept of al-sifr, or
> 'the cipher'; original mathematical manuscripts by Heisenberg, Einstein
> and Planck; and a signed first-edition copy of Jean-Paul Sartre's
> Being And Nothingness. Should the need arise, Microsoft will have no
> difficulty proving to the Justice Department or anyone else that we
> own the rights to these numbers." Added Gates: "My salary also has lots
> of zeroes. I'm the richest man in the world."
>
> According to experts, the full ramifications of Microsoft's patenting
> of one and zero have yet to be realized. "Because all integers and
> natural numbers derive from one and zero, Microsoft may, by extension,
> lay claim to ownership of all mathematics and logic systems, including
> Euclidean geometry, pulleys and levers, gravity, and the basic Newtonian
> principles of motion, as well as the concepts of existence and
> nonexistence," Yale University theoretical mathematics professor J.
> Edmund Lattimore said. "In other words, pretty much everything."
>
> Lattimore said that the only mathematical constructs of which Microsoft
> may not be able to claim ownership are infinity and transcendental
> numbers like pi. Microsoft lawyers are expected to file liens on
> infinity and pi this week.
>
> Microsoft has not yet announced whether it will charge a user fee to
> individuals who wish to engage in such mathematically rooted motions as
> walking, stretching and smiling.
>
> In an address beamed live to billions of people around the globe Monday,
> Gates expressed confidence that his company's latest move will,
> ultimately, benefit all humankind.
>
> "Think of this as a partnership," Gates said. "Like the ones and zeroes
> of the binary code itself, we must all work together to make the promise
> of the computer revolution a reality. As the world's richest, most
> powerful software company, Microsoft is number one. And you, the
> millions of consumers who use our products, are the zeroes."
Joel A. Shapiro
Department of Civil Engineering and Operations Research
Princeton University
Princeton, NJ 08544
Phone: (609)258-3839 Fax: (609)258-1270
WWW: http://www.princeton.edu/~jshapiro