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Beer Operating Systems

 If Operating Systems Were Beers...
     
     DOS Beer:
     Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the 
     directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in 
     an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is 
     divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed 
     separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are 
     going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
     
     Mac Beer:
     At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. 
     Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. 
     When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients 
     list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you 
     are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds 
     you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
     
     Windows 3.1 Beer:
     The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like 
     Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it 
     allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality 
     you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you 
     are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for 
     apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open 
     it.
     
     OS/2 Beer:
     Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers 
     simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously 
     too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when 
     you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone 
     drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer 
     Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
     
     Windows 95 Beer:
     You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and 
     claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but 
     tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when 
     you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most 
     people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their 
     friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients 
     list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same 
     ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims 
     that this is an entirely new brew.
     
     Windows NT Beer:
     Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This 
     causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The 
     can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to 
     change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 
     beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and 
     suggested only for use in bars.
     
     Unix Beer:
     Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 
     oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though 
     they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. 
     Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you 
     have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which 
     case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who 
     has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.
     
     AmigaDOS Beer:
     The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked 
     up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. 
     This beer never really sold very well because the original 
     manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS 
     Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in 
     a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was 
     originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design 
     hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics 
     of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
     
     VMS Beer:
     
     Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and 
     sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or 
     contain extremely un-beer-like contents.  Best drunk in high pressure 
     development environments.  When you call the manufacturer for the list 
     of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an 
     unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA.  Rumors are that 
     this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a 
     tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.