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information highway cars (fwd)

>In the wake of continuing public awareness about the so called
>"Information Super Highway", or "Infobahn", here is a guide to the
>different protocols and applications which you can use to cruise...
>
>
>OSI
>This sleek black car has obviously been long years in the design
>process - almost everything has been thought of, down to the last
>detail. Unfortunately, it is 500 metres long, weighs 300 tons, and has
>no accelerator pedal. It takes a long time to get going, but once it
>reaches its top speed (15 mph), it takes a lot to stop it. A gentle
>hill will usually do the trick...
>
>
>TCP/IP
>This hillbilly pickup truck has the most crazy assortment of add ons
>you can possibly imagine, but underneath there is a deceptively simple,
>rust-free chassis. You can also hear the purr of an obviously
>turbo-charged V8 engine underneath the clutter, but it's getting
>harder to find. It'll do 0-60 in 4 seconds, but it has no
>brakes. Brakes? Who needs brakes? Just jam a crowbar in the axle and
>lock the wheels...
>
>
>WWW
>This is a huge freeway system, with roads crossing roads all over the
>place. Exits flash past at bewildering speed, and before long you can
>think you're lost beyond hope of ever being found. However, if you
>know where you want to go, you're okay, since you can guarantee that
>there will be at least a dozen ways to get there. Unfortunately,
>they're all off that road underneath you. So you just have to work out
>how to get there...
>
>
>Mosaic
>This is a huge tour bus, the very latest air conditioned, luxury
>model. It'll take you wherever you want to go, as long as there is a
>5-lane freeway right to the doorstep, otherwise get off and walk (it's
>quicker). Oh, and the highway is jammed with hundreds of other buses
>full of Japanese tourists busy taking photos and writing articles
>about the anarchic freedom of the highways, whilst sitting in a huge
>traffic jam waiting to get into Gracelands.
>
>
>ftp
>This is a sleek bare-bones sports car with an ultra aerodynamic
>body. It will take you where you want to go in the blink of a second
>and you can fill the boot with as much stuff as you want. However,
>there is no windscreen, 184 gears, and you have to type in a 12 digit
>number from memory to tell it where to go.
>
>
>telnet
>This is a reliable old family saloon car. It never breaks down, can
>fit down any road, no matter how small and twisty, and performs well
>no matter what the road conditions. However, it goes at the same speed
>on a 6 lane autobahn as on a dirt track, and it steers like a 12 ton
>truck.
>
>
>X Windows
>This is a flashy red convertible, with electric windows, doors,
>sunroof etc. Inside, you can alter the position of the steering wheel,
>the layout of all the controls and instruments, the sound of the horn,
>and the colour of any of the fittings. It is the ultimate accessory
>for the power user, and gives you many happy years of pleasure. It is
>only when you get out of the car that you realise that you never left
>the drive.
>
>
>Windows 95
>This car is in such great demand that your order cannot be delivered
>until next year. However, when you do get it, it looks great, a big
>improvement over the Windows 3 model, and it boasts a big "Highway
>Ready" sticker in the back window, which means you finally get to
>leave the car park. You get inside, and press the big red "Go
>InfoBahn" button on the dashboard. You wait for the g force. Nothing
>happens for 10 minutes, then the square wheels fall off.